The Restoration of Chivalry (Flash Fiction)

"There once was a man named Don Chicharito. His real name was Carlos, but people called him ‘Chicharito’, meaning ‘little pea’, because his oddly shaped head when shaven reminded them of a pinto bean"

Author’s note: This is a submission for an IronAge Media prompt: The Downpour.

There once was a man named Don Chicharito. His real name was Carlos, but people called him ‘Chicharito’, meaning ‘little pea’, because his oddly shaped head when shaven reminded them of a pinto bean; as for the ‘little’ part, it was an ironic nickname given that the man stood at about six-foot-five.

The noble Don Chicharito lived in a town called San Angeles. Despite its name, a combination of ‘Saint’ and ‘Angels’, San Angeles was anything but heavenly. As far as towns go, it was run down and dilapidated. Thankfully, crime was not as high as it could be. But that was no thanks to the San Angeles Police Department (SAPD), who was more interested in cleaning up donuts than crime.

The sorry state of San Angeles led Carlos, also known as Don Chicharito, to take action. Don Chicharito believed that the way to restore San Angeles back to its former glory was to restore the old Chivalric Order of Knight-Errantry. A learned man, Don Chicharito knew all about knights-errant; those men whose duties were to stamp out evil and help the weak. With the SAPD being as useless as they ever were, knights-errant were needed more than ever.

Don Chicharito would like nothing more than be a knight-errant himself. Alas, a knight-errant needed a lady to fight for. Despite being a gentleman in both behavior and lifestyle, Don Chicharito had yet to find a lady he could call his own.

Until one rainy day. The downpour was strong, as if the sky was crying over the fate of San Angeles. Don Chicharito watched outside as he saw a young girl about his age running through the rain. She only had shirt on and no umbrella; she was shivering, clearly a damsel-in-distress.

Don Chicharito rushed into action: putting on his raincoat and his umbrella, he went off to the street. Approaching the girl, Don Chicharito gave the girl a jacket and his own umbrella. The grateful girl introduced herself as Dorothea.

Instantly, Don Chicharito was smitten by the girl. He had it in his mind that Dorothea was a beautiful princess. But Dorothea was no princess; and though she was not ugly by any means, neither was she a great beauty. In truth, Dorothea was a simple maid who was forced to work multiple jobs after her parents’ untimely demise in order to take care of her younger siblings.

But it was at this point that the strange madness of Don Chicharito had manifested itself. The man named Carlos promised Dorothea that he will become her knight-errant; he will fight for her honor and destroy all evil, in her name.

The kindly Dorothea would have laughed at Don Chicharito’s bluster were it not for the circumstances. Not wanting to upset the man who had shown her so much kindness, she smiled and let it go, believing that the whole thing would be forgotten by tomorrow.

Instead, Don Chicharito took on his newfound position as knight-errant for his lady Dorothea very seriously. He went all around San Angeles pulling off great feats in the name of his lady Dorothea. These actions include helping an old lady cross the street, rescuing a cat stuck on a tree, and many other things that redound to the good name of Don Chicharito’s lady.

But Don Chicharito had also undertaken a heroically dangerous task when he confronted a group of muggers on the narrow streets of southern San Angeles. With nothing but his sword and his huge frame, Don Chicharito had saved the life, and money, of an innocent bystander by scaring away those thugs.

At this point, readers should be aware that San Angeles’ policy of absolute gun control meant that no one, not even the police, had firearms.

The heroism of Don Chicharito meant that everyone, even the SAPD, wanted his help. In response, the knight-errant was more than happy to lend his services in his lady’s name.

One day on a yet another rainy day, Don Chicharito was asked to fix the roof of a neighbor. Being a good Samaritan that he was, he was more than happy to do it. But it was an exceedingly rainy day, the roof was slippery.

The reliable Don Chicharito was able to fix the roof; but as he was returning back to the ground, he slipped. It would have been the end of Don Chicharito had he not grabbed the house’s drainage pipe. The knight-errant held on to it, before he finally fell down to the ground. Battered and bruised, but alive.

With the heavy rain about, the wounded knight-errant wondered how he was not being assaulted by the sky’s tears. He looked up and realized that someone was holding an umbrella over him. Don Chicharito gasped as he realized who was helping him, his lady Dorothea! Unlike how they had first met, Dorothea was much more equipped for the weather; in addition to the umbrella she had, she had a jacket and pair of rain boots.

The woman was smiling at him, she was pleased with what Don Chicharito had done in her name. Though she had not intended for all this to happen, she appreciated all of the good that he had done in San Angeles. After thanking the knight-errant for his deeds, Dorothea invited him for dinner.

And the courtship between Don Chicharito and his lady Dorothea had begun in earnest.